No matter how much I struggle while writing this blog, it does not compare to my friend’s struggles. In the past few weeks our family dog of almost 14 years has gone through a transformation of a vibrant family member to struggling in just walking. Our usual Sunday family dinners were somber tonight. This was our last with our family member. She doesn’t eat and struggles to walk across the room. Tomorrow we will be saying good bye to her in person but in our hearts she has changed our lives.

Thirteen years ago I remember vividly … I came home from work and headed to our parents place. As I stood in the kitchen, in came my little 12 year old brother with a big smile. Following him my parents smiles lit up the room as in my dad’s arms was an adorable little german shepherd puppy. My little brother and I spent the whole night playing with our new family member and coming up with names. I was an adult and he was a little boy but we both were little kids chasing this puppy we named Whisper.

She brought the family together as our first pet and her spirit was quite infectious. One morning she knocked over a dozen eggs and pooped yellow for days. Thanksgiving she made her self comfortable in the kitchen finishing up our turkey dinner. She never was mistreated but loved. Even during mischievous times her eyes made it impossible to be angry.

Eventually my brother and I taught her to play goalie during our hockey games in the backyard. She loved it so much that upon hearing the word “hockey” she would bolt to the back door waiting for another pick-up game. Our games were wild as all three kids … me at 29, my brother at 14 and whisper at 2 would run in the house muddy and bloody from another game in the back. The hockey sticks and tennis balls are still sitting on the wall outside my place.

Whisper never was a mean animal often playing with my cat and eventually our new little maltese. The last two years she has been amazing with my niece, letting the baby sit on her, pull her ears and pretty much use her as a punching bag. Whisper would just smile and lay back. My niece named her “foo foo”.

Whisper learned the difference in our dad’s shoes. Sandals went on and she ran to the back for backyard fun, regular shoes mean front door and walk around the block. Smart animal and a great friend.

A few years back I went through a bad time with depression and my friend sat by me on every visit to my folks. No one knew what was happening on the inside but she did and she made sure I had comfort in someone. No words, just a friend sitting next to me at every opportunity. Licking my face and hands and nudging me in fun. Seeing her tonight emotionally kills me because as she was there for me I can only be there for her in mild ways. The last few days I try to sit by her and scratch her favorite spots. She doesn’t make eye contact any more. And won’t let me take any pictures.

For tonight’s dinner our dad didn’t yell at us when we fed her off the table in fact he joined in. Him and her are best friends and she hasn’t left his side in 13 years. Until tomorrow. Our dad is one of those tough guys with no emotion but I can’t imagine what he is going through right now on his final walk with her as I write this blog. I snuck in to hang out with her and walked in on my parents about to take her for her final walk. Due to the redness in my eyes our dad asked me if I was sleeping, I nodded in agreement but we both knew better.  Whisper was standing by the front door and stumbled outside almost falling. This week her kidneys and back legs gave out. But tomorrow it will all go away.

I have spent too much time working and missed a lot of opportunity to spend time with her. And I’m sad for it. She doesn’t cry just moans when she moves and now she bleeds. To see such a wonderful creature struggle is sad beyond control. My night tonight will be spent laying next her. I want to make sure she understands that what we gave her doesn’t compare to what she gave us.

The last few days I kept busy working but haven’t stopped thinking about her since seeing her struggle so badly last week and on our conclusion to finalize it this Monday. I worked every day, shot and edited but limited my communication with people. I did not sleep. Only napping when my body needed it. But tonight I couldn’t push it all away. After our shoot my drive to dinner was very emotional as I tried to compose myself before arriving. Now as the final night falls for my friend the emotions are greater. My struggles do not compare to her’s, I can’t imagine what she is going through. Tomorrow my friend will be loved and spoiled with burgers and treats and hugs and kisses.

Then at 5pm we take her to the doctor for our final good byes.  Having a family pet was a new experience for us all and it brought us so close together. Now we are going through the sad part of saying good bye.  And again this week has brought us even closer together. Whisper upon her arrival in our lives changed us for the better and now as she leaves us, she will change us again in a meaningful way. For that I have to say thank you and I love you my friend.

AND here is the trailer for Kiki’s American Adventure reality show that aired last year on Playboy TV … TRAILER

So us in porn wait every year in serious suspense to see who will be nominated for such acts as anal, or DPs or who can suck the meanest dick. And even who can “act”. But all in all, even with our fake / stage names we are honored to be recognized for our accomplishments whether we suck dick on camera or shoot someone sucking dick on camera. It’s all hand in hand. We want to be recognized for being the best at our chosen professional.

With 2011 approaching we at PUBA headquarters wanted to make sure we had a big presence this year as a company and most importantly with our Puba girls. AVN Awards were a huge success (BLOG later) and it was time for the XBiz version.

X-Biz Awards were on February 9, 2011. Kory and I were just coming off a crazy week of shooting (I shot 22 scenes), prepping and having our LIVE Streaming Super Bowl Puba Party. We were tapped out but the Awards were here and we needed to represent.

The company, myself and the girls had a total of 11 nominations so it was imperative we go in hopes of seeing one of us win.

I wanted to go all in style like my many AVN Award appearances. But I was tired and sleepy and hungry and just not in the Ivan ghettolicious mode. So I threw on my new Puba hat, some bling, my jew start rosary beads and off we went. The plan was to meet Asa Akira and London Keyes outside the Palladium by the Red Carpet. Well as always plans go the direction of kaka. Out front was this group of “Condoms in Porn” protesters. They chanted “Hey Hey what do you say, Condoms Condoms all the way!” Try the chant, it’s actually catchy.

(pause for the chant)

With my handy Slivan vlog camera, I recorded them, chanted with them and took pics of them. These people were cordial and polite in spreading their word of hate for pleasurable sex on camera. At one point some dude drives by and they hand him bunch of condoms, so he yells “I’m going to fuck all night!” And these people cheer him. So I guess they are not really anti-sex just but just anti-pleasurable sex. Okay okay, they are pro safe sex. Kind of.

Then I meet a camera guy for TMZ … so now my mission is to get our girls on the show. Talk about publicity, right? So I quickly call Asa, who says they are eating sushi. “Fuck that nasty raw fish and get over here”, I say with a nice tone and a choice of different words. I spent the next 30 minutes socializing and keeping this dude entertained while waiting for the girls. Then finally here they are walking towards us. The TMZ guy rushes towards the girls and manages to get Asa for a few questions about this event. Boom! Another day, another job well done for our chicas.

I then spent a few minutes behind Ron Jeremy as he was being interviewed by the local Fox Network News. But it was more then just an on camera appearance. I flipped my hat around to let the world see the coolest company logo in porn … our PUBA monkey

Red Carpet time! We were in line for what seemed like forever UNTIL the Spiegler girls get a rush from being Speigler Girls (one of top agencies in porn). Asa is a Spiegler girl as well and was showed to the front. Then my homie Asa hooks a Rigga (Russian N word) up. She yells, hey Ivan is with me. Not sure if her inside voice or wishful thinking projected out but all of a sudden there is security escorting me past mountains of porn peeps towards the red carpet. Thank you Asa my friend, but I think of you as a little sister who has sex in front of me while I record you. Now on the Red Carpet my anti-social shyness goes away and I’m there snapping pictures, shooting video and hugging up for pics with Asa. As usual I socialize with the media which helps in getting covered more. Then we head to the Brazzers TV camera guy, while he interviews Asa I yell behind her … which leads to a double decker of promotion for AsaAkira.com and Puba.com on Brazzers TV. As Tommy Gunn would say, “Nice!”

Gia Jordan

Once inside we socialized and ran into old friends. The show was okay but our fun was had outside. We didn’t win anything as expected but it wasn’t the point. We wanted to make an appearance and support our girls. Hopefully TMZ will put Asa on their show and these media pics will keep us in people’s minds.

But the night didn’t conclude until Kory grabbed me and took me to an old friend of mine. Kory was a bit buzzed so I wasn’t sure where or to who he was leading towards. Until … there she was Christy Canyon, my ex of sorts and one of the nicest, coolest, hottest people you can meet. From what I hear she often talks about me on her Playboy Night Calls Radio Show. She immediately introduced me as Slava (my real name) the guy she has a crush on to all her friends. It was flattering and awkward but fun. We chatted about our lives, families, business lives, etc. I even spent a minute or two trying to recruit her to Puba, My job never stops.  I walked her to her car and went searching for my ride. My night concluded around 1:00am as I headed home with a smile after a really good night at the X-Biz Awards.

VIDEO BELOW

VIDEO from the SHOW … WATCH!!!!

My 2011 AVN Awards Red Carpet experience was awesome. And I wanted to share it with all of you who support this VLOG and who approached me at the Convention with your praises. Thank you! This Part #1 of this fun 3 part series is about how I spent my pre-show time putting in my shoe laces, doing my weird looking hair and the journey with a bunch of porn chicas.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdke4wTxVxU

Leading up to the AEE Convention my schedule became brutal. From trying to get final edits for PUBA to gathering supplies for Vegas to making sure the “Ivan” props and moniker outfits were in place. The plan for Vegas was extensive but here were our major points of the trip: meetings with various business outlets for PUBA and myself, I needed to round up my connections for work and PR … spread the PUBA word … recruit for PUBA family … meet the fans … Award Show craziness … AND most importantly making sure our PUBA girls were taken care of.

Tuesday before the trip I was out editing my Award Show bling monitor reel as well as creating new gear to wear.

By midnight my wardrobe and equipment was all laid out on my couches. I was up at around 5:30am to clean the important parts of the house before our trip.  My biggest concern is dying on a trip. The death part is not as scary as having a messy house upon my death. Kind of embarrassing to have your family clean your crib as you can only watch from above or in some cases from below. Plus as we all have our porn stash, these things should be put in a box labeled “throw away”. Then you tell a trusted sibling or cat, well maybe not the cat … to toss out that labeled box without searching threw it. I lived dangerously without making that type of box for my brother to toss.

I was on my way to pickup Asa Akira, London Keyes and Kory by 1pm.  The goal was to make it to Vegas by 7pm with a quick stop off at Area 51 Alien Jerky.  This is my yearly passion of love and lust. I love Aliens and I lust for Jerky OR maybe I lust for Aliens? Just dem hot Aliens from that beer commercial.

Hopefully my friends weren’t going to be disappointed in their Jerky experience was all that crossed my mind on the trip up.  The trip was filled with some various DJing from every person in the truck. THEN we entered Baker … and there it was! On the dark streets of Baker was a lit up UFO with a waving Alien Cowboy on it’s top. We parked and ran inside, giddy for Jerky. I already have all the wonderful souvenirs the place had to offer. Shirts, mugs, Area 51 dirt, Alien skulls … you name it! I have it! So I just got some pistachios and “Abducted Cow Jerky” Between my three friends they grabbed 10 bags of deliciously smelling and tasting jerky. We sat in the car like a pack of wolves ripping at the carcass we just dragged into our cave. Asa yells out, “oh my god, I’m done with my bag.” And London reminds her that we have more dried meat here. So back to shredding we went.

Once we all entered the Jerky coma, we headed back on the road.

After a two mile hike through The Venetian with our bags, we arrived in our room at The Palazzo. Asa and London had a dinner thing so Kory and I headed for the Cirlcle Bar. I decided to wear my warm beanie, not for it’s practicality but for it’s weird but interesting look. Wrong move. Kory started feeding me drinks. After three my head was on fire and after the fourth I needed some time off from my feet. I sat around meeting new people and socializing with the ADT (www.AdultDVDtalk.com) regulars. This is the best part of the Convention. Seeing old friends like a yearly family reunion.

I spent a lot of time with my friend Nicole Ray. Besides her cuteness, she is a very well put together person. We reminisced about the old times. The new times and our futures. Then she went and won a bunch of money on the slots.

At around 2am London joined us and we headed for Denny’s outside the Venetian. Tipsy London had her boobs out as she ran up and down the top floor of the Hotel. The river, the gondolas, the boobs and the London’s verbal jabs with me as I tried to get her to hide her mammaries.

By 3am we were outside the Hotel at 40 degrees, realizing this was a bad move … we headed to our room at the Palazzo. By 3:30am it was bed time. I have been up for around 22 hours and with the trip not really started yet.

tomorrow:
DAY #2 … The Convention floor and old friends

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHtMDwFjwHQ

Today I spent the day on Hype Dough production with Ricky D, Kayden 420, Jasper Trash and Sunny Daze. We then spotted a Rick James look-a-like on the 101 freeway. But at night I had hair coloring drama!

SLIVAN #12 – dying hair, animals, wii & london keyes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eY_wMWF_1xo

Here I try to re-dye my hair, I introduce Pringles to the blog. Zoey takes care of sick Ivan. Playing Wii with Kory and London Keyes. Then London keys makes a mess at 7-Eleven

SLIVAN #13 – PUBA Party in San Diego

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6JMOBJCdio

Here is some Behind the Scenes from the Puba Party at Club Decos in San Diego with Shyla Stylez, Asa Akira, London Keyes, Natasha Nice, Jayden Jaymes, Phoenix Marie, Bridgette B, Charley Chase

SLIVAN #14 – on set with Bridgette B and Kayla Paige

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwFNlGVpAiY

On a Tom Byron Pictures set for my next movie with Bridgette B, Kayla Paige and Tom Byron

SLIVAN #15 – topless Baseball trivia & Angelina Valentine

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LG_U_2g84kI

Rog T. Pipe invited Aurora Snow, Natasha Nice and myself to a baseball game. He did a topless baseball trivia with the girls.  Then at the game Playboy Radio’s Christy Canyon hits on me on the radio show. Then I shot Angelina Valentine for my next movie “Double D Doctors” for Tom Byron Pictures

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TdVdqR1kiI

The Porn Scout gets a disguise! Dishwasher accident! A VIAGRA ring? Who’s more ANNOYING contest! Ivan wins one but loses another one. Ivan saves a life on an entire FAMILY … of ducks.

SLIVAN #7 – Annoying my friend & being pulled over for DUI??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geRt_vm0tXo

Check out the COOOOL store with little worlds.  A little update on the walking hottie. I annoy my homie some more until he turns gay on me! And day concludes with me being pulled over for a DUI?!?!?

SLIVAN #8 – Bears Hugging it out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DWfLkrhi0U

Last day at Big Bear Lake

SLIVAN #9 – Ivan frolics in the Snow

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wYIqU_zvoA

Our final drive back from Big Bear as I frolic in the snow and discover a old heirloom!  Which followed by finger frostbite creating numbness 7 hours later

SLIVAN #10 – in the Car Wash and on set with Jennifer White

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFanuUVCjgA

Spent a few minutes in the car wash then off to set for my new movie Lady Mechanics for Tom Byron Pictures with Jennifer White and Tommy Gunn

SLIVAN #1 …

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYMvTOAW4VE

This is a new daily video blog of my LIFE. Some call me fat, some call me ugly, yet some call me lucky. Either way, this is my life … you can stay or go.  But imagine you will stick around.  Thanks

SLIVAN #2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59ziatt9FgA

Today we shot for Twisty’s. I don’t reveal whop or where we shoot for them because I think it might be a secret till the scene is released … so here is my early wake up message to my channel subscribers who like cute guys.  Plus some wheelie action on the freeway and ducks in the pool, ducks in the pool!

SLIVAN #3 – Shy London Keyes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fS05vqa6OI

This was another secret production day but we got some fun stuff on video. Like Jason Vorhees, Batman, Snoopy and Darth Vader. Also some dog fighting with me and Mosley. And the shy? London Keyes

SLIVAN #4 – Anabolic office, vacation prep and the drive to the lake

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqLs9-cwHbU

Having lunch and prepping for the Big Bear Lake Vacation.  Plus the night road trip to the lake. Anabolic office mess.

SLIVAN #5 – Big Bear, caught sleeping and stalking a hot chick

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMzjXYUoZTU

The Big Bear Vacation begins. With following a hot chick through the hood of Big Bear. Ivan caught sleeping. Big Bear Arcade is closed! What happened to the Doritos?!?!

She was on the North 500’s block but needed to get to the South 500’s block. She kept mentioning these numbers as I tried to slow her down in hopes of understanding her better. I tried explaining to her how she needs to make her way to the Zero’s of the street then the numbers she needs will come. Then she explains in her now understandable accent, that she was looking for the “Russian Translation Service”. I smiled and asked if she spoke Russian, she said “yes”. And I proceeded to tell her that I can speak it as well. Her saddened demeanor now was lit up with a smile of comfort of “one of her own”.

I told her point of destination was about two miles away. She thanked me and asked me to call this agency. I confirmed the address and location. Then offered the lady a ride. She was adamant that I didn’t need to spend my time driving her. But I insisted in my broke Russian.

Now sitting in the truck, driving to the location. This wonderful little lady made my day, made me think and made me choke up. I was so moved by her that I had to put my sunglasses on just to communicate with her.

The lady is 80 years old. Has been in the United States for 15 years and has been fighting with the Russian Social Services for her retirement the entire time.  And has been told “America is a rich country, let them give you money.”  Sad, very sad. She lives in Long Beach and was out in West Hollywood, about 25 miles away from her area of residence. I met her around 10:40am, she was dropped off by her nephew in this area at 6:20am. And she has been wondering through these blocks for over four hours.  Mind you this story is being told to me by a tired, 80 year old, emotional lady. I was so moved by her. She then says, “god brought me to her today.” I smiled because at this point, me talking was not an option.  She kept thanking me and saying how no one would stop and listen to her. All I imagined this person with no phone or real ability to communicate wondering the streets for god knows how long. In the heat. With her cart and emotions on her sleeve.

I helped her 0ut of my truck and walked to the building. She offered to pay me, for which I declined. Once she was inside, I called that office to confirm she arrived and was safe. Afterward I made my way to continue the rest of my day. Driving I didn’t snap at people lacking social skills, I didn’t freak out on people being rude to me. All I thought about how this lady approached me. How she felt I made her day, how “god intervened”, how I helped her and emotionally changed her mood, heart and well being. But what she doesn’t realize is that what happened today was not someone making a difference in her life BUT how she made a difference in mine. I wasn’t brought to her, she was brought to me. I am not a knight in shining armor, she was the angel who opened my eyes.

It’s not what we can do for others because of our youthfulness, monetary accomplishments or what we control. It’s how we can open someone’s eyes, emotions and hearts. This wonderful lady in her moment of weakness made an impact with her soul in my life.

Thank you for validating the goodness hidden in so many ways under our busy, sometimes self absorbed lives. And you did pay me, in more ways then you can imagine.